I love you

"Oh William!" is a phrase I must say over a thousand times a day. I can tell you without hesitation that this phase we are in now I either want to pick him up and smother him with kisses because he is the sweetest thing ever or I want to poke my eye out because he is...well, just smothering him isn't a very nice thing to do.


I think I have mentioned that lunch time is the absolute worst time of day around here*. William is either underfoot in the kitchen, tripping me at every turn while keeping up a running commentary about every single thought that goes through his head or tormenting his sister until she screams or cries. Amelia is either underfoot or screaming/crying in the other room because her brother has taken another toy away or pushed her down. Again.

And it doesn't end when the food hits the table ever. William dislikes the arrangement of food on his plate or the cup his milk is in. He takes issue with the fold of the sandwich I have lovingly created for him or the invisible spot on his banana. One hundred percent of the time he prefers my yogurt cup to his, even if they are identical. He stands up in his chair, blows bubbles in his milk, puts his feet on the table, puts his hands into his milk and smears it into his hair. He tips his empty plate and cup over and spreads crumbs and dribbles of milk everywhere. All which area certainly Against the Rules. And the ever popular "I have to go potty" line that just cannot be ignored.

Amelia needs help getting the food in her mouth in a timely manner and is frustrated she cannot do it all by herself. When she can't take anymore waiting or when I move further than an arm's reach from her chair, she shrieks loud enough to be heard a block away. She bangs on her tray and bounces Cheerios in every direction including down the heat register located in the general area of her chair. She smashes banana into her hands and then runs her fingers through her hair until it stands on end or drops the banana chunks down her shirt to be discovered six hours later at bedtime.

Somewhere in there today I had a bite of food almost to my mouth when I noticed it was baby food. Mmmmm.....rice cereal. I was so distracted I didn't notice what I was doing until it was almost in my mouth. Yuck.

After a particularly loud luncheon today, I was wiping off William thinking to myself "At least it is over. No more lunches until tomorrow. You survived and didn't eat baby food. That is what matters here."

William turned to me and patted my face with a jelly sticky hand and said "I love you Mama."

As frustrated as I was by his behavior moments before, I stood there quietly, willing myself to tell him I loved him too. In the moment, I regret to admit that love was the furthest thing from my mind and I struggled for a long pause to master my negative feelings.

Tired of waiting and now clean from my wiping, William replied to himself "and you love me too, Mama. Yes you do."

And you know what? It is the truth. Even when I have to dig deep to find it during a tantrum or deal with naughty behavior, I do love you William. More than words can say, baby boy.





*Blogging is a useful tool. After complaining about our lunch time now several days in a row, I now think it might be helpful to analyze what is happening that pushes my buttons/William's buttons/Amelia's buttons so I can make some changes so it is less frustrating for everyone. First up may be a pair of earplugs.